Man on being proposed…

The tower clocks stop for a split second. The tides and waves cease to function. The sun who was slowly taking a dip in the ocean stops. The migrating birds stop fluttering. The cricket players in South Africa are forced to have yet another break. The dogs which were chasing a poor bicycle driver stop as well. The bicycle driver who was defying gravity till then succumbs to Newton’s brainchild’s effect. The gusts of wind which has been blowing leaves stop. The stock prices stop fluctuating. That’s when we can say that a man is being proposed to.

Man, as the effect of the enormous capabilities endowed upon him mostly by chance and the fact that he had successfully tricked the other animals thus rendering whoever who was supposed to bestow these capabilities at the first place with little options. The capabilities thus bestowed did little good to man, although it did help him in becoming stubborn and an ass. But he has always successfully denied them with little effect.

Despite all these strange occurrences’ and the enormous nincompoop a man could have been, a man being proposed to is an occurrence that beats the blue of the idiom “once in a blue moon”. For man for all his life has been always making proposals only to enjoy the sweet sense of rejection. And man had always reasoned this fact of his proposals being rejected to him being sophisticated, to his appetite for caviar, to his liking for board games, to his immense capability to irritate his fellow beings, and to many more. In spite of the multitude of reasons which he accounts for his rejection, he has maintained a demeanour which fits into that of a wily fox which thought that the grapes are sour. This helps man deal with rejections in a better way, I believe, than women.

Being proposed to, is a sweet sensation. It’s something which a lot many of the men lived for. A lady coming over and proposing to him ranks high up in a Man’s wish list. It is second only to a game of football. Third may be, to a liquor party. Or I am agnostic about the positioning. It’s surely is there somewhere, I hope.
Aftermath of being proposed to results in an acute zoological condition. This has been proved to be true by the numerous tests conducted on horses, dogs, monkeys, rats, sloths and snails. The tests carried out were fool proof. A girl is asked to propose to all the animals one by one when they are alone. And the girl is asked to propose to one animal in presence of another animal which she had already proposed earlier. These tests have helped us in understanding the aftermath of proposal better.

For men, it starts by inducing a feeling of self gratification, which is duly followed by palpitations, dilating of eyes, gaping in wonder and at times precipitations around one’s eyes. These cases could end with symptoms of machismo, which at times will grow itself to such propositions that it could be misunderstood to be symptoms of narcissism.

They are not symptoms of narcissism. I repeat, they are not symptoms of narcissism.

A friend of mine ended up reading a lot of online journals with Philosophical explanations which somehow links all that happens and will happen to salvation. I also noted that him attaining a new level of reasoning by which I mean that he started thinking theologically, metaphorically, philosophically, stoically, ergonomically, gastronomically, metaphysically, medically and illogically all at the same time. I happen to call him one day and asked him “Where are you? Dude! ” to which he spoke thus “I may or may not be here or there.”, and hung up on me.

Another person, this time not a friend, was so confused on being proposed that he didn’t know what to say. This is when his work experience as a clueless consultant came to his rescue. He replied thus. “The request which was proposed sounds to be cool. But there is a lot of analysis which needs to be done, specially on the financial viability of the idea. I will look into them in detail and process your request within the next 48 years.(He meant hours, I believe.) My failure to correspond back could be because of numerous reasons which I am not responsible for.”

There was this geek friend, who specialized in astrophysics and did his thesis on how metaphysics used physics to gain attention, who on being proposed to by a girl went to a state of chaotic imbalance. The very day he went on to disproved Einstein’s relativity theory on thirteen accounts the simplest of them being that he never liked the two ein’s being separated by “st”. Knowing him and his dislike for the proved and tested theories from the day where he was eleven when he dismissed the Pythagorean triplets theorem as being fabricated, it didn’t alarm me a single bit.

Hey, the fairer sex. Let only goodness befall you.

Hey you Eves descendants, we are thankful to you for giving us hope. We are highly indebted to you for the fair assumption that a few of our kind are good enough to be proposed to. This is a great responsibility that is being granted on to us. Knowing how good we are at responsibilities and the execution, I dare say that you are brave and daring. And braveness seldom goes unrewarded. We swear by the air we breathe that we will live up to the expectations that u have. Yes, we will say nice things about you. We will send you flowers on a daily basis. We will remember your dog’s birthday. We will do anything to keep you guys happy. But the next time you intend on doing us a favour, please spare the poor bicycle driver which just tipped over and bruised his forehead.

Man on falling in love

They say, i was very energetic as a kid.  I was very quick to walk and run, i hear. But i was told that i, on various occasions, had fallen. It was so frequent that when ever there is a sound like thud or the even a distant sound of plates falling , everyone around was sure that i was around or involved in the mishap.

Yes i have fallen many a times. I had fallen when playing basket ball , football , cricket , seven stones , chess and scrabble. I have fallen from a fleet of stairs. I have fallen on the road, yea at times i was running, few times i was walking and most of the times i was just standing .  I have also fallen from a bicycle, numerous times. I have fallen  from my friend’s bike, my house’s boundary wall and my neighbour’s coconut tree.

Even then i am very thankful to my sense of balance as i have never fallen from a running bus, a running train or a flying flight. I also have observed that i  have never fallen into a well, dry or full, located in the middle of a forest or found in the middle of a village.  And most important of all, I have never fallen in love. Yes, falling in love has been  alien to me. Its something which never happened to me. Even  though there was never a conscious effort from my side, trust me.  There never was.

During days of sheer tolerance to anything said or written, i had a chance to read parts of an  article which talks about how can one fall in love. It talked about a man who kept walking a certain 113 steps  everyday and in a matter of days he was gifted with the bliss they call love. As i said, one of the unconscious efforts was to follow the same and there i was walking the same amount of steps. I did that for a week. But whichever route taken always ended up disappointing me. And i tried increasing the distance which can be covered in a step, and decreasing it as well. I even tried taking a fewer steps. But to no avail. Thats when i realised that man must practice a minimum level of intolerance when reading.  As for the article, i missed the part which said that the man walked to his love interests abode.

Yes falling in love is not as easy as it seems. Unlike other type of falling, falling into love is so complicated because of human element.Yes add an human element to the whole thing and see how difficult it can get!!

A friend of mine who happened to fall in love helped me demystify the air around falling in love. He started by openly  criticizing all those writers who had written about love and people falling in love. He spake thus “There is no Yanni doing a concert when one falls in love. As a matter of fact, there is not even a single violin playing in the near vicinity. There is no immediate start of spring season. Yea, all the flowers blooming and all happens only in movies.” Having said all these he had this to add “How ever hard as it seems, falling in love is not bad as it seems to be”. That was the last time he spoke to me.

So people, this might sound immature when coming from me. Go fall in love. Its better that falling from your neighbour’s coconut tree. trust me,  it is !!

Man on the extra inch

It a well known fact that humans,  for all the goodness embedded into them by default, has the urge  to have more. The urge starts at an young age,  say one year old. Actually much earlier, for the urge for an extra inch starts when you a foetus and will persists for a long long time.

Yes, a long long time.

I am talking about the same urge that makes the foetus kick around when he is in the mother’s womb. Yes, the same urge that forces one to wish if he had been an inch taller.  The same urge that makes one wish for an extra helping of the pudding. The bowler who prays for an extra inch of movement sideways or forwards or movement of any sorts. The sharp shooter who misses his target by an inch. Yea, you get it.

If you got that much , you would have also got the feeling that makes a man wish if he had a bit more bigger seat to sit on. You would have also understood the suffocation the same man goes through sitting in a closed cabin where the space meant for one is split into four unequal parts of which our man gets the smaller part. You will also sympathize with the  man who just gave a tiny inch to the camel and got himself kicked out.

An extra inch is all we need, all we crave for, all we wish for, all we pray for and all we get (hope to, actually).

No , you are so mistaken. Thats if you thought that man will get the extra inch he hopes for and will lead a life, so happy.

He doesn’t get the extra piece of cake he badly wanted to have. Nor does he get to sit on a bigger chair he dreams of cosily enjoying . Nor does he get a cabin of his own where he can keep all his books.  Nor does he get to keep his laptop on a decent desk.  And if he does have a decent desk , the laptop needs an extra inch to fit in properly. you get the picture, i hope.

Yes, destiny is not that kind. But destiny is not unkind as well. She smiles upon you at the most embarrassing moments. She is kind enough to give you the extra inch. And you get it right around the waistline.

All those years of praying and an extra inch around your waistline!!!!

Yea, life gets easier, more focused. All our life we were hoping for a motto in our life. And we have one. We dress up in clothes which help us in hiding the extra inch of flab. We keep turning up in the same black attire day after day. We try so hard to fit into the once discarded jeans for reasons such as its too huge for me, its so unfashionable or its something which resembles what the other guy wore the other day.

The process is not that simple. We just try to get into the trousers and keep hunting for the right place. And after around five minutes of playing around with the hook, you get to the place where you were yesterday. But that is not good enough. You take a good breath then. One better than the one taken yesterday and in that split second get the thing done. Neat, pretty hard but Neat!

Man’s struggle for and against the extra inch is actually deserving mentions of epic proportions. Many of them which are too intense and cerebral for a poor blogger to pen on.